Listen while reading: The Dress - Dijon
It's Sunday, I'm on maybe my favorite train ride - the Acela back to New York from Boston - and this week was a lot of things. For one, it was my one year anniversary at the company I work for now and the point at which I've been able to step back and realize I don't hate it here. The places I've worked previously, all media companies, have always been hectic, stressful, under-resourced and bad-to-terrible leadership. Coming here with the PTSD of my last job, and the weight of the ever-present pandemic, put me in a place where I viewed every inconvenience (and there were some big ones) as a reason to leave. I'm always job-hunting no matter how I feel about the place I am, that's part of what's helped me grow as quickly as I have and stay competitive. But this is the first time I've been able grow into some ease with what I'm doing, the people I work with and, if only more slowly and intentionally, pull back from my constant job hunt, ready to pull the trigger on anything that came next with more money.
I've also, begun falling into stronger rhythms with balancing life things outside of work. As somebody with the privilege of being able to be team #FuckThatJob, I joined the millions of people in the past few years who are rethinking their relationships to work, recognizing them as the transactional situations they are, and no longer expecting companies to provide anything closely resembling fulfilling or (personally) purposeful work. In the wake of that, I've taken up piano which is something I've always wanted to learn, and it's kicking my ass in a way that I look forward to every week. That, plus finally finding myself back in a semi-regular writing practice and feeling closer to inspiration regularly these days, I feel like I'm on the verge of some really pivotal happenings in my life. I'm excited about that, while trying feverishly to stay the course long enough for the self-discipline to become hard-wired and takeover where I've not allowed it before.
There's no point to this other than dropping a pin on where I'm emotionally located today and feeling a little better about being closer to the neutral territory where I feel more in control. The lows have been nearly unbearable and the highs have been scary because they make me anticipate the lows. I've always been good about taking things as they come, but therapy and medication and stepping outside of myself are helping me make more out of what I'm given. That's something we're thankful for today.
Sunday Kind of Love
Jussie Smollet-produced B-Boy Blues is showing for free courtesy of the American Black Film Festival, today through 11/28! Register at abffplay.com to watch it.
Butch Queen Book Club - Parable of the Sower
Octavia Butler's Parable of the Sower cracks the New York Times Best-Seller List and what I learned from reading it.
Initially I'd only set out to read Parable of the Sower. A24 announced that Garret Bradley (Naomi Osaka on Netflix) would be directing the upcoming adaptation of Octavia Butler's RECENT NYT Best Seller and that was enough for me to jump in. Quick math on that: Parable of the Sower was published in 1993, Octavia Butler died in 2006, and the book cracked the best seller list in 2020; no doubt for its uncanny parallels to where we are now.
The story started off slow - a poor, Black girl named Lauren Olamina, with a very unique disability (that people think is a power), treks the length of California to survive a very violent world, amid/after the collapse of the great United States. Just prior to and during her journey, she's forming the beginnings of a new belief system she hopes to spread while gathering new people to travel with for safety and in hopes that they become the future seeds of her new community. Not a totally unfamiliar story, but with some very interesting elements.
In one scene, 16-year-old Lauren is having it out with her dad after her best friend was frightened by some of the realizations Lauren had come to about how dire their situation was and what needed to be done about it. Her father tries to reason with her, acknowledging that his daughter is wise beyond her years, but with that wisdom comes the responsibility of knowing how, when and to whom you divulge what information. Lauren's plain response "But, Dad, that’s like … like ignoring a fire in the living room because we’re all in the kitchen" was among the early notifiers we get of the person Lauren would become across two books; eyes set on the difficult work that lay ahead and unafraid of yelling to break up the party if it'll stop the fire.
There's another very short line, where Lauren is talking about her approach to journaling, both her feelings and the foundations of Earthseed, "All I do is observe and take notes, trying to put things down in ways that are as powerful, as simple, and as direct as I feel them." In reading that, it felt like an admission of Octavia through Lauren. A friend and I were talking and he shared some of his frustrations with reading this book, how it could be staccato or stilted in ways that took away from the greater moments of the story. For me though, those periods not only cemented the identity of our main character, but also told us how to read the book. If you're looking for a really colorful, sweeping novel with flowery, or even well-manicured language, this is not that book. It's hard, often hopeless, and difficult, but always intentionally-so in the story and not the language.
That's to say, I've read difficult books before - I don't think a more gut-wrenching story exists than Hanya Yanagihara's A Little Life - and things can very easily slip into gratuitous territory. But what Octavia does in both Parable books, the wins she allows her characters and the things she rips from their hearts, felt personal and made me really think about how I grow as a writer, an artist, to be able to make these decisions with my characters. There is something that Lauren wishes for in book one that she doesn't received until book two, Parable of the Talents. And there's something that she spends almost all of book two searching for that ends up becoming one of the biggest betrayals I've ever witnessed. And never once in reading these events did it feel like an easy get was given, or that hurt was ever inflicted unnecessarily.
It all felt real; you could see how one action led to the next outcome, and maybe that was Octavia's own super power disability. Connecting the dots that were all plainly laid out in front us, in the only, or most likely way, that made sense. It's for sure what's scared me the most about both stories and the many parallels of our current reality, which is quickly approaching the years in which the books take place. I think we all agree the Best-Seller list feels well-overdue for the work these books accomplish. But if Octavia was writing from the future, maybe we just had to get here first in order to appreciate the story. I just wish she could be here to see it too.
The next reads in #ButchQueenBookClub
The Heap - Sean Adams
The Obelisk Gate (Broken Earth Trilogy Book 2) - N. K. Jemisin
Strong Replay Value
Absolutely by Dijon
Dijon's song "Rodeo Clown" landed in my Spotify Discover playlist a couple weeks ago and it was one of those songs that you hear and feel immediately. His debut album, Absolutely, dropped on November 5 and I've been playing it nonstop since.
For comparison's sake, I don't think it's lazy to say he feels in the realm of Frank Ocean. I know, I know - I don't like using Frank that way either, but sonically and lyrically, it's an unmistakeable familiarity. That's not a weakness for Dijon though! On this album, you can't miss his rock influences, and the way he clips a song to deliver a specific emotion before leaving is dizzying.
His singles "Rodeo Clown" and "Many Times" are for sure standouts, but "Scratching" and "Annie" have also had me in chokehold. If "The Dress" puts you in mind of the group Abhi//Dijon then it's because that used to be the group Dijon was in and I didn't find that out until I sat down to write this lol.
Spice It Up!
[The And} Card game knows that "conversations bring you closer together"
If one of your focuses for 2022 is investing in your relationships (familial, romantic, friendships etc.) I cannot recommend this card game enough. Centered around probing questions designed to get you talking with the person on the other side, The Skin Deep has curated decks of cards tackling relationships (from dating, to long-term relationships, to rekindling romance), post-breakups and getting closure, different stages of friendships, sibling relationships and, like, a lot more. A LOT MORE.
A couple questions from the long-term relationship deck to help you understand how it works. These questions asked between partners:
What's an experience you had that you wish I could also experience? Why?
How would you describe our chemistry?
If your best friends were here, what would they warn me about you?
As someone who's been on both sides of the corny question trap in trying to get to know someone or have a conversation, these are much more thoughtful than almost anything you've ever come up with staring at your ceiling or on commercial breaks. And since the point of the game is conversation and connection, it's encouraged to continue talking beyond the answer that's given. Take your time with this, it's worth you money.
No parting words today, but if anything resonated with you reading this, let me know. Let's talk about it RS <3